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10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get
back to you.
8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.
7. Hi! Roni's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
6. Hi. This is Roni: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.
5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.
3. Hi. Now YOU say something.
2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
1. Hello, you've reached Roni and Asma. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Asma likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slow. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.
A Srilankan immigrant in UK went to the Motor Vehicles
Registry to apply for a driver's license. He had to take an eye test.The clerk shows him a card with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" The clerk asks.
The Srilankan replies, "I know this guy".
Man and Woman's Communication Skills
Wife: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
Ideas About Wives
1) My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
2) My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
3) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
4) I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake".
5) The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
6) After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice".
7) Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
8) A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying".
9) Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
10) The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Culture and Meaning
A while ago, a worldwide survey was conducted by Bangladesh, India and Pakistan. The only question was asked: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure...
* In Africa most didn't know what "food" meant.
* In Eastern Europe most didn't know what "honest" meant.
* In Western Europe most didn't know what "shortage" meant.
* In China most didn't know what "opinion" meant.
* In South America most didn't know what "please" meant.
* And in the USA most didn't know what "rest of the world" meant.
Message For Girls
* WOMAN has "man" in it.
* SHE has "he" in it.
* MRS has "mr" in it.
* LADY has "lad" in it.
* MISTRESS has "mister" in it.
* MADAM has "adam" in it".
* HOSTESS has "host" in it.
* FEMALE has "male" in it.
... and so on the list is never ending. SO NO need to be proud ... Girls.
YOU are always incomplete without Boys.
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